How long are you to wait to know you have found the one? It's a question no one can seem to answer. I think guards are high for me especially because of Preston. How can I incorporate people into his life without hurting him if they leave? Every decision I make has to be made for two. It can make things so complicated. Preston is priority putting my wants on hold. Some day, things will come together.One day, Preston and I will be held by two strong arms that have enough room for the both of us. A heart big enough to love both of us.
I look at Preston every day and his smile warms my heart. He deserves a whole family and parents who will guard his ears, eyes, and heart. In the deepest part of me I wonder if this mighty man will ever be here, and if so...is he already here?
I make a conscious decision to believe. Every day I keep deciding to believe. We all pretend for a while or for a lifetime. But pretending is not living. I believe that god meant for life to take our breath away, sometimes because of the sheer joy of it all and sometimes because of severe pain. To choose living over pretending means that we will know both.
I believe that God has a plan for Preston and I. He will send us that man with two strong arms big enough to hold us both. And when he gets here I will ask what all women ask. Do you really love me? Which means....will you accept me in the process? Will you embrace what is different about me and applaud my efforts to become? Can I just be human-- strong and vibrant some days, weak and frail on others?...Will you love even when I disappoint you? Are you willing to embrace the two of us, with those strong arms, and carry us with you till the end?
There is love here to be shared, and in this case....two hearts to give love is better than one.
